My son looks just like his father

Oh he looks just like his daddy

Oh thats (SO’s name)’s sone

Going to grow up just like his dad

Got his father’s [insert any feature]

You must hear this all the time

Do you get sick of hearing [insert any above statement]?

YES!!!

Of course it is incredibly annoying to hear that the little person I grew inside my body for months and then painfully pushed out through my lady bits looks nothing like me. 

What’s more annoying is people debating me on the small features I try to say look like mine, people finding someone, somewhere on his side with every single one. People swearing to me that he looks just like this far away or deceased relative I’ve never met when I say anything about his looks; even just calling him my chunky monkey. 

I know for a fact my baby is mine, because he never left my sight or my side at the hospital. Pretty sure even when I slept he was with me and when I had to pee I wheeled him to the doorway of the bathroom. And I guess I should be happy that no one is thinking I cheated on my SO because I had a baby that looked nothing like him. But still I find it super annoying that at every visit I have to hear how my kid looks nothing like me

Rant over. Sorry about that.

Only human

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Let sleeping babies lie

So I’ve been trying to get my baby used to his bassinet. Only problem is he sleeps better with me. On my chest, head on my arm, just beside me, wherever but thats where he sleeps. When I put him down sometimes I’ll get 40mins, maybe. 

Truthfully I love the cuddles but I know he needs to learn to be in his own bed. And with the weather getting warmer we are a sweaty sandwich. Which leaves a mother torn; us both getting the sleep we need or bed training. 

Currently he’s been asleep for acouple  hours, on my chest, and I want to put him down but now I’m finally tired enough to nao with him. The trully funnt part is for the last week he’s onky beeb having small naps all day until he’s so tiree he passes our at night. But the last two days he’s had a long nap during the day, so I think he’s got a growth spirt coming. Time for new clothes. 

 But with a snort, a stir, and shifting I think this nap is over. Time for a change, a feed and maybe some tummy time. 

Always tired,

Only human

He’s not your baby

Lately I’ve become overwhelmed by the number of times I am given ‘advice’. The reason it is coming up now is because I went to a bridal shower, just baby and me, no SO, but some of his female relatives were there. In two hours my son, who was deemed a thriving, healthy baby by his doctor just two days prior, was said to; have heat rash, be too big for his age, wear too many hats (almost never does), have a bleeding disorder, and thrush. 

Now I’m not the type to just let these types of comments go. So I argued, and on too of this, and while it was going on, I was given parenting advice. This included being told I needed to carry around multiple blankets on my person so that my baby can be passed around the room easier, while my baby was passed off without my permission. And i replied with  

My baby is not a football. I didn’t bring him with the intent of passing him around. I don’t know who’s sick or who smokes, so I figured a few close family or friends might hold him, but for most of the party I will keep him. 

The looks I got were like I had spit in their drink. The same family member then cornered me later on while I was breast feeding to complain to me about my SO regarding a complete over-reaction on her part that I knew nothing about.  

Long story short. My kid. SO’s kid. We together will raise our the best way we see fit. And no relative on either side will push me around. 

I may be furious, maybe over-protective, but 

I’m only human

Colic and the phase of purple crying

You always hope that your baby will be different from the norm, not like those horror stories you hear of babies who scream for hours, but I am hear to tell you… that’s unlikely. That’s like that person in every zombie movie that gets bit and thinks ‘maybe I’m magic and won’t be affected’. They’re wrong, they’re always wrong. 

I have embraced my sons colic phasr as a way to escape people. Oh you want to visit? Sorry my son is colicky right now. Company over at the   house stringing my last nerve, sorry need to go downstairs and sooth the fussy one, or change his bum before he screams. 

I won’t say it’s blissful, and my two-day migraine from the screams directly in my ear reinforce that, but I’vr accepted it. And that’s really what it’s about. I’ve been puked, peed, and pooped on but yelling and screaming about it isn’t going to clean up my son or myself. I’ve instead turned to the ‘oopsie’ philosophy. He didn’t mean it, can’t change that it happened. So first I ensure his safety, bring him to a clean area to get him wiped down and possibky re-diapered (a couple times that’s been a towel laid down in his bassinet, and then I address what is on myself and surrounding areas. Only once has that meant here hold my baby in this towel, he is clean but naked, I need a shower. 

Today this phase has meant staying in the car with him during or shopping trip and directing my SO through phone calls, pictures, and the occational “I grabbed this one but I can exchange if it’s wrong”, to get everything we need for bottle feeding and Father’s Day. 

 Nothing like breast feeding, burping, rocking to sleep, and overal soothing a baby in the backseat outside a Walmart. 

But

i’m only human

Two-handed parenting

I am coining the phrase, ‘two-handed parenting’, I am bringing it back. My phone already has no games on it, yes there’s social media stuff but I’m working on reducing the scroll, but other than that I only use it to track my babies eating, changing, and sleeping, and taking photos of him. But even my messages take second seat to my baby. The minute he fusses it goes down where ever I am, and the TV is only ever on because we have no stereo (and trying to keep a baby sleeping without background sound, forget  it). My phone time gets less and less everyday and I generally only get to check it when he’s sleeping. 

Mind you not everyone is on board, hint-hint you. Waiting for someone to hit a save point to get any help, a boss battle to end, or a show to end, whatever get’s a little frustrating. Kids look to you for everything, most importantly recognition. So every time they look to you and you’re too busy on your phone for them, they loose that. My goal is to go through a day with my battery over 50% (signifying I only used it for important messages and my baby tracker app). I am going to see my son through every moment, not in the corner of my eye. 

Trying my best,

Only human

This little people was my bump

For the first PP time today I thought I felt my belly move. It was actually my son sliding inward on the pillow, but that was my mind blow moment. This tiny human WAS that alien feeling inside me. My eyes got teary at this. My little man was in my belly, with me everyday, through everything I went through. I understand why this connection and change leads to PP depression, because now its not just people wanting to put their hands on me to feel him move, but people holding him, me leaving him to be watched somewhere, other people sharing my joy… but that’s so silly. Why am lessening my happiness over these worries? I want to enjoy every second I can, capture every moment. 

It then occurred to me how large he was lying on my chest. This is definitely where my size went, but does not account for the weight. Regardless, I made this tiny person. I took a small seed and grew a human. A human who had 8 recorded poops yesterday, and has filled a diaper genie in just 4 days of life. I could never love anything as much as this. Im worried everyday that I will fail him, but I will never fail him for lack of trying to do him good. Im sure the mothers in my life are loosing it to my 50 questions daily, but thats’s okay. Id rather hear “its normal” for the hundredth time then anything else. 
To all the mothers out there, 

Happy Mother’s Day
Imonly Human

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Really, you don’t know, why I never.

You see, the not so funny thing about mood swings or mental disorders is that the person with the aforementioned condition, is generally not aware when they are displaying it. Generally. So telling someone while they are having a mood swing, say, for example, a spell of depression “not to be so sad all the time”… will not actually make them feel better. Some other phrases you may want to avoid include “I can’t be around you when you’re always so depressing”, “why can’t you just cheer up”, “mood disorders aren’t real”, and “look at me, I’m not always sad and I have it worse than you”. Just, you know.. as some examples.

One. When someone says they’re sad, angry, hurt, offended, etc. it is not you job to tell them that they are not.

Two. It is not possible for you to directly compare your life, your stresses, your problems, your way of thinking, your sexuality, your beliefs, etc. to theirs.

and Three. You cannot change someone’s mind that sees no problem with what they have done.

I have recently been told that I am going to make my son depressed because I have depression and refuse medication. But let me explain my reasoning; I do not have any feelings of self-harm, I do not turn to any substances to make me happy, I rarely take Tylenol for pain let alone any other medications, I eat when I’m hungry or for nutrition and do not go several days of over- or under- eating in a row (the odd binge day or too busy to eat but I am healthy), I don’t spend days in solitude, I maintain regular relationships, and I feel comfortable enough in myself to wear what I please, say what I like, and tell someone to mind their own on the behalf of myself or another.

On the other hand I do, have days when the idea of being around people repels me, when I cry because my plans changed, I cry for no reason and know that I have no reason, when I think so far into the future and get overwhelmed that there is both so much to do and that it is happening now… But I don’t think that these things obligate me to require regular medication to function, or else be thought of as a horrible mother. I only want the best for my baby, and if it came to a point where I was having weeks or emotional instability, and my health and well being compromised my ability to be a parent I would probably reconsider. But at this point in my life I feel comfortable enough to remain as I am. Some opinions are made from a point of understanding and empathy, some from sympathy and judgement. It’s not always easy to tell the two apart.

Good luck and best wishes,

I’m only human